Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Tuesday at my house...

Tuesday already.  This is one of those weeks where I never quite remember what day it is.  Y'all.  Today feels like Monday.

There is no canasta game today but I do have poker tonight.  I am going to the pool and do my 20 laps (walking in the water) and some exercise and then float around on my noodle for a bit.  Then upstairs for lunch and maybe a nice nap.  I have the day all planned out don't I?

Yesterday I was really sad most of the day.  I tried really hard not to be but no such thing.  Sarge was such a patriot that I really believe that day was harder for me than birthdays or other holidays.  I hope when I get to the one year mark it will get easier but it hasn't so far.  It's been four months today.  One third of the way there.  Some days it feels like yesterday and others it feels like forever.  I know that makes no sense but then sometimes I make no sense, even to myself.

Thanks so much for all the encouraging comments yesterday, they helped me a lot, they really did.  I'll do better today, promise.


  1. Bee, you are an inspiration to me in many ways! Be easy with yourself and no time limits, feel what you need to. I love how you share your ups and downs with us. Hugs <3

  2. Bee, just take one day at a time.
    and just keep writing and we we keep sharing.

    cheers, parsnip

  3. I think it makes perfect sense. My daughter and SIL had a tough time at the cemetery but were very glad they made the trip out.
    You are so wise in planning your days the way you do. Enjoy the pool and win the bucks!!!

  4. My Desr Bee--some days are like that for me too. Yesterday, for no apparent reason, I had what I call one of my mini-breakdowns. Just cried and cried and it's been almost 6 months ago for me. Who knows what brings them on--well of course yesterday would for you. I think it is just part of the grieving process--we take it as it comes and get past it. Hopefully, today will be easier--I don't know. Here it is 3 in the morning and I am awake. It's a weird road we are traveling.

  5. I thought of you quite often yesterday, knowing how hard it would be on you. I'm so glad to keep yourself busy and do your best to enjoy each day!

    Wait til you see the recipe I tried yesterday. 100 calorie cupcakes! 2 ingredients! no frosting, No guilt! Easy, peasy, quick and pleasey!

    My sweet neighbors have offered their fabulous pool. I may just have to take them up on it! Have yourself a lovely day. hugs xoxo

  6. " Some days it feels like yesterday and others it feels like forever."

    I know exactly what you mean Bee. It's been eight months since I lost my Dad but it could have been eight days or eight years for all the difference it makes. xx

  7. Bee, Even strong people cry...it's okay to have days where you just want to cry or even scream. Your loss is forever....but your pain will ease, one day. You are a strong woman. You have proven that by sticking to your weight loss program. That will make you healthier, isn't that what Sarge would want for you? Take pride in knowing that you are living a life that is good. You have touched other lifes in your journey. xoxo, Susie

  8. Dear Bee,
    I love the idea of walking 20 laps in the water. Sounds like something I would enjoy doing myself when I get a pool eventually!

    It makes perfect sense what you said about Sarge and how it feels.

    Grief has no straight line. It is so deep it feels fathomless, then sometimes you think it is less, then whammo there are very hard moments or days again and it feels like right back at the beginning.

    Crying is a healthy release. Not crying to be 'brave' just means it is stuck inside to fester. The strongest of people cry, and we wouldn't have tears if they weren't meant to be shed.

    You have been amazing in taking care of yourself with your 50 pound weight loss, continuing to play cards, going on the cruise with The Duck, and staying involved in all the things that Sarge would be so very proud of you for doing.

    Four months is a blink of the eye compared to 44 years together. Its been a long time since he has been gone - and yet hardly any time at all.

    Yes gradually it does get less painful and aches less often. It's just that gradually is a slow process.

    New memories, new habits, new experiences, all of that is a slow adjustment. Finding minutes of pleasure or joy when they come along.
    All of that is hard. It comes, but your whole life has been turned upside down and inside out.
    Loss is something more enormous than anyone can guess until it happens to them and they are living with it.

    Sending many many hugs your way, and my empathy honey. I am so sorry it hurts.
    'One day at a time' even applies to this.
    ((More hugs))

  9. Hugs, dear Bee. I'm with you about my inner calendar being messed up. Oy vey!

  10. Keeping you in my thoughts, Bee. This is a difficult journey.

  11. Hi Bee. Just thinking of you being sad bothers me. I wish I could help you at those times but being 1000 miles away is impossible for me.
    That old guy of yours was one hell of a guy. Knowing that many people felt that way about Charlie should at least make you feel a little. You know how I feel about you guys.
    Enjoy the pool, it's raining right now. We needed it. See you my lovely friend.

    Caribbean Paul

  12. I can't imagine honey. I just know that I thought of you a whole bunch yesterday and I knew that you were having a rough day even before I read your post. Just knew it.

    Have a terrific day honey. Hugs and love from sunny California. :)

  13. I am sorry I didn't stop by yesterday. Dear Sarge was on my mind all day.
    I am off to WW for another weigh-in. Hope it's a better one than last week.
    Miss you ... and love you ...

  14. I'm sorry I didn't come by yesterday either. Well, you know -- for me -- today was Monday, not because I'm confused but because on Memorial Day I wasn't here at the Undisclosed Location. And I hardly ever blog from home. Not as Curmudgeon. But, as myself, I was online all afternoon Monday. We have a very lovely tradition of a Memorial Day Parade in my neighborhood -- a way to salute those who have served and to remember those who made the ultimate sacrifice and a way to teach the next generations about these things at the same time. I put up a lot of pictures -- no mean feat in my case because I can't see the little screen on the digital camera and because there's a delay between pressing the shutter and the actual taking of the picture (while the camera decides where to focus). Sometimes the camera and I disagree about where to focus. Actually, that happens a lot. And there are always five or six really good shots of the ground.

    I hope today's been better for you.

  15. Auntie Bees
    We all hope yoo had a better day today.
    One of the last posts Sarge did he mentioned he thought hugs were a good thing that is one reason why we always try to come by and at least leave you with our furry pawprints all over you and give you our fuzzy hugs.


  16. One day at the time. Hang in there!
    Sounds like you are having a lovely day. Especially the pool and the nap :)
    Hugs from Ohio,

  17. Bee, I don't know how hard it is for you, I have not experienced losing my spouse yet. I do know that as long as my mom has been gone, at least once a year, it becomes an open wound and I must cry for my loss of her. Please know that so many of us here, think of you so often and send as many hugs and prayers as we can to send you love and hopefully some comfort. I love you bunches and munches Miss Bee, my Empress!

  18. My dear friend Bee,

    I want you to know you were in my thoughts yesterday. I went to our local Memorial Day service and thought of Chuck when they raised the Army flag, when they acknowledged the Vietnam era veterans, and when they remembered those heroes who have passed away. He was a true American Hero and so are you for keeping the home fires burning and standing by him all these years, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.

    Please remember to give yourself a break! Four months is not long at all, as others have said. It is okay to take as long as you need. Don't let anyone tell you what to feel, or for how long you should feel a certain way.

    I wish I could cheer you up the way you cheer me and so many others. Your attitude inspires me to complain less and smile more.



  19. Bee, if you weren't sad on these days with special meaning, 'd be worried about you. You are doing amazingly well, the sadness will come and go but you are strong and you will endure. Hugs!

  20. I couldn't comment last night but I still wanted to let you know that I've been sending you extry hugs. We are heading to anchorage and catching late flights home. Yuck on the lateness Yay on getting home.

    Big hugs honey...

  21. Hi Bee, I have been going to a berevement group, and it helps a little. For spouce it is average 2 years, and for that time it is normal to go up and down like a ferris wheel.Tears, talk and time. You are a brave strong woman, a great example for all.Love from Bellport


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